Hi, everyone. KC here. Jeni and I are having one of those days, if you know what I mean! There’s so cotton-pickin’ much to do, I don’t know if we’ll get it all done or not. Thought I’d share with you just one small five-minute portion of the day today...just to give you some idea of what I’m talking about.
First, let’s begin with responsibilities. As I’ve heard my people say so many times, they can’t ‘do it all by ourselves.’ Jen and I have to pitch in and do our part, and we’re all about doin’ our part. So, here’s what we’re in charge of: perimeter security, internal security, sniffing, kibble control and other duties as assigned.
Security is our main thing, and that’s a huge job for the two of us, even working together. But we put every bit of our combined 17.6 pounds into the job. And our Enemy #1…those #@#$!&! squirrels. They’re everywhere, they’re up to no good, and they’re out to take over the world. Personally, I think they’re nothing more than tree rats that have furry tails and a good public relations person. In fact, I also think they’re the second or third largest threat to our country’s security…next to Al Queda, and possibly Rosie O’Donnell.
Anyway, I’ll get down off my soapbox and give you my blow-by-blow account of what the two of us are doing. Or at least what we did from 9:05 to 9:10 this morning. Here goes:
9:05:01 to 9:05:36
The first
RED ALERT of the day. There’s one of those furry-tailed jerks on the
ground by the tree next to our driveway. (Bark…BArk…BARk…and finally, BARK!) Good, scared him off. The coward ran up to the one of the branches that overhang the neighbor’s roof, and escaped into her yard. Overall, a good job. But, what’s with Jen? She hardly moved from her spot on the couch by the window! I like a warm nap as well as the next dog, but she’s got to take this whole thing a lot more seriously. Rookie mistake, and we’ll go over that in tonight’s operations review meeting.
9:05:37 to 9:06:14All’s quiet again. Just had my first good sniff of my left back leg, and I must say it does remind me of a field of jasmine in the springtime. As I lay on the back of the couch next to the window, I shut my eyes for just the shortest of time, and just as I’m starting to get a little comfy, when...
9:06:15 to 9:07:00All heck breaks out and Jen’s about to go into orbit by the front door. I can’t see what all the ruckus is about, but I don’t want to miss out. (BArk…BArk …BARk. No need to BARK just yet…target unknown…but I want my little buddy to know I’ve got her back!)
Now I see him…the guy who lives across the street is out by the curb, wheeling his trash container back to his house. The nerve! He actually thinks he can be on my street whenever he wants? Well…(BARK… BARK… BARK…BARK…and BARK!) That last one was for that darned trash container. You can’t tell me that thing is anything but trouble. It looks like something from another planet, it rumbles like it's about to fall apart, and the truth be told…I bet squirrels hide out in that thing!
9:07:01 to 9:08:07
All’s well with the world again. Just checked out the back right leg. Equally nice.
9:08:08 to 9:08:57
Jen, get your buns over here. We’re under attack! That bushy-tailed demon is back, and he’s brought reinforcements. Now there are three of them, and they’re chasing each other in a never-ending circle. Oh, sure, they may be in the neighbor’s yard, and it may look for all the world like they’re playing, but they can’t fool us. (BARk, Bark…BARK, Bark…BARK, BArk…BARK, BARk…and, finally BARK, BARK!) [As you can tell by the transcript, it took Jen a good four or five times to get up to the maximum bark-age level, but she got there!] Sure, at first they may look innocent enough. But you let them get away with frolicking, and the next thing you know…BAM…they’ve taken over. We’re all forced to wear one of those hideous tails, and we’re all having to live in trees, while they run along the power lines bossing everyone around.
I've learned this much in my relatively short life: If it looks like a squirrel, and it runs like a squirrel, and it eats nuts like a squirrel…it’s a terrorist squirrel. Darned terrorists. You know, evil never rests. But, they won’t succeed. They won’t take over the world. No sir-eee, Bob…not on our watch, they won’t!
9:08:58 to 9:10:00
All’s quiet on the eastern front. The furry-tailed idiots are off to some tree somewhere. The guy across the street is probably back in front of his television watching ‘The Price is Right,’ and it’s time for a little nosh, a quick lap or two of water, and a little nap. It’s never easy on the front lines. Not when it’s two little dogs against a gazillion squirrels, more trash containers than you can wag your tail at, and people, people everywhere.
Time for a little shut-eye. Jen and I are due back on duty in 15 short minutes!!